Saturday, May 24, 2008

Twilight Zone: Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up


with the internet I can now pinpoint the actual date of Ron's dads' third eye routine
mentioned in the last post. From one of the better twilight zone sites The episode is courtesy of youtube user FatherMcKenize
Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up
Episode Number: 64 Season Num: 2 First Aired: May 26, 1961
Originally aired: May 26, 1961 on CBS, Writer: Rod Serling, Director: Montgomery Pittman, Show Stars: Rod Serling
Guest Stars: John Archer (Trooper Bill Padgett) , Jean Willes (Ethel McConnell) , Bill Kendis (Olmstead) , Jack Elam (Avery) , Barney Phillips (Haley) , John Hoyt (Ross) , Herbert Ellis (Venetian (uncredited)) , Gertrude Flynn (Rose Kramer) , Bill Erwin (Peter Kramer) , Jill Ellis (Connie Prince) , Ron Kipling (George Prince) , Morgan Jones (Trooper Dan Perry)
Troopers follow the tracks from a frozen pond, into a diner. Inside they find a soda jerk, a bus driver and his seven passengers. The bus driver is certain only six people boarded his bus. There's two married couples, a businessman, a dancer and an eccentric old man. The troopers give up the investigation when a call comes through that the bridge is safe now, and the bus may continue on. Later, the businessman returns to the diner. The bridge really wasn't safe, the call was an illusion. He is the Martian, advance scout for an invasion force. He proceeds to drink a cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette, using all three of his arms. The soda jerk tells him that he's a Venusian, and that his invasion force has intercepted the Martian fleet. Grinning, he removes his cap, revealing a third eye.
Barney Phillips appeared in three other episodes: The Purple Testament, A Thing about Machines and Miniature.
Fantasy author Ray Bradbury (one of Serling's favorites) gets another in-joke reference when Avery mentions that the whole thing is like a "Bradbury story." The bus is labeled "Cayuga Bus Co.," the name of Twilight Zone's production company.
Quotes:Counterman: Hey, uh, didn't you, uh, what I mean is... Didn't you go out on that bus?
Businessman: I did indeed. Oh, yes, I went out on that bus. And you know something? That bridge wasn't safe. It collapsed. The state police car, the bus, everything -- kerplunk -- right into the river. It was a terrible scene. No one got out.
Counterman (incredulous): Except you.
Businessman: Except me. Lucky, I guess, huh?
Counterman: Very lucky. But... but...
Businessman: But what?
Counterman: You're not even wet.
Businessman: Wet? What's "wet"?
Counterman: What do you mean "what's wet"? You landed in the river but you're clothes are all dry.
Businessman: An illusion, that's all. Just an illusion. Like that jukebox playing in the corner. That's an illusion, too.
(the jukebox stops playing)
Businessman: Or that telephone ringing.
(the phone rings)
Businessman: That's an illusion. Just a parlor trick.
Counterman: What are ya, some kind of magician?
(a thrid arm emerges from under the businessman's coat. He's uses it to help light a cigarette)
Businessman: Who, me? Oh, hardly. Now, uh, before you, uh, faint dead away, I ought to explain that the name isn't really Ross. And I wasn't really going to Boston. No, I was sent as a kind of advanced scout. You know these, uh, cigarettes, do you call them? They taste wonderful. We haven't got a thing like this on Mars. That's, incidentally, where I come from. We're beginning to colonize. My friends will be arriving very shortly. I think they're going to like it here. Lovely area, so... so remote, so pleasant, so off-the-beaten track. Just the perfect spot for a colony, don't you think, Mr. Haley? While we're waiting, how about a little what you call music?
Counterman: I don't mind. I have to do a little waiting myself. You see, Mr. Ross, my name isn't Haley. And I do agree with you, this is an extraordinary place to colonize. We folks on Venus had the same idea. We got it several years ago. And I think I really ought to tell you now that your friends are not coming. They've been intercepted. Oh, a colony is coming. But it's from Venus. And if you're still alive, I think you'll see how we differ.
(the counterman removes his hat revealing a third eye)
Counterman: And I agree with you about what they call music. Why don't you play some?
(the counterman bursts out laughing)
Closing Narration
Narrator: "Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his mouth, if either of these two entities walks onto your premises, you'd better hold their hands - all three of them - or check the color of their eyes - all three of them. The gentleman in question might try to pull you into... the Twilight Zone."
Opening Narration
Narrator: "Wintry February night, the present. Order of events: a phone call from a frightened woman notating the arrival of an unidentified flying object, and the check-out you've just witnessed with two state troopers verifying the event, but with nothing more enlightening to add beyond evidence of some tracks leading across the highway to a diner. You've heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack? Well, stay with us now and you'll be a part of an investigating team whose mission is not to find that proverbial needle, no, their task is even harder. They've got to find a Martian in a diner, and in just a moment you'll search with them, because you've just landed in the Twilight Zone."

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